


Rosa's Mystery Boo

by dollsome



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/F, Screenplay/Script Format
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 07:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17555969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dollsome/pseuds/dollsome
Summary: Season 6, Episode #? - "Mystery Boo": The gang investigates a string of robberies at a fancy hotel ... that just so happens to be the place where Rosa is spending the weekend with her “mystery boo,” the identity of whom everyone is dying to find out. (AKA, an excerpt from a tragically nonexistent Brooklyn Nine Nine episode script.)





	Rosa's Mystery Boo

**Author's Note:**

> I have shipped Gina/Rosa with great devotion ever since the season one days (they've just always been so good at standing next to each other!), and in order to soothe my soul over Chelsea Peretti leaving the show, I finally scribbled down a little version of how I imagine a relationship reveal between these two glorious and terrifying lades would go!
> 
> Because, like, Gina quitting the 99 but dating Rosa and therefore making an appearance every once in awhile is ideal, y/y?

RANDOM EPISODE EXCERPT:

The gang is making their way through an elegant hotel corridor, poised for action, background music full of an intensity that says ‘we’re going to solve some CRIME!’. They stop in front of a hotel room door.

AMY  
Open up! Police! 

No answer.

TERRY kicks the door open -- to find GINA and ROSA inside, mid-liplock!!

BOYLE  
Oh my God. Rosa’s mystery boo is Gina?? 

GINA  
Busted.

ROSA  
Damn it. 

Off the gang’s baffled faces, we go to COMMERCIAL BREAK. 

* * *

 ACT 2

INT. FANCY HOTEL ROOM. NIGHT. The gang are still staring in shock at what they have just discovered.

JAKE  
Gina, Rosa? You’re _dating_? 

GINA  
I guess we weren’t gonna hide it for long. You must have noticed our electric sensual chemistry. 

CUT TO:

A montage from previous episodes of Gina and Rosa sitting or standing next to each other in the background of ensemble scenes. It reveals absolutely nothing. Unless you’re looking really close. And even then, it’s iffy. 

BACK TO PRESENT:

JAKE  
You guys, are we bad detectives? 

AMY  
I think they’re just inscrutable. 

ROSA  
Hell yeah. 

HOLT  
For the record, I always suspected. 

GINA flashes some finger guns of approval HOLT’s way.

JAKE  
But Gina, what about ... that guy who fathered your child whose name I totally remember after all those fun brunches we had together? You know, that guy who really oozed charisma and ... rememberability. 

GINA  
Please. We consciously uncoupled back when ‘consciously uncoupled’ was still a thing people said. (To JAKE and AMY.) You guys are going to have to find a new phrase when this whole thing goes south, bee-tee-dubs. 

JAKE and AMY look offended.

GINA  
If you stayed up to date on my Linetti Life email newsletter, you’d have known that the Boyle baby-daddy and I split up ages ago. Tsk tsk, bish. 

ROSA  
This means you probably missed her recipe for homemade soap too, didn’t you? 

GINA  
Monsters. 

ROSA  
Enjoy having hands that _don’t_ smell like lavender and Britney Spears’ ‘Curious.’ 

BOYLE  
(getting swept up in the romance of it)  
Soooo, how did this happen? Did you get trapped in the elevator together? Realize your love in the heights of work-related danger, like that time we got mailed anthrax, or the time Scully and Hitchcock brought chili to work? Exchange longing looks in that secret bathroom you guys like to pretend no one else knows about? 

ROSA  
We’re not telling you anything. 

GINA  
That is, until I publish my end-of-life tell-all in 85 years. You’re going to have to live real healthy if you want to get the deets. And they’re good. 

ROSA  
_You’re_ not going to live that long. 

GINA  
We’ve talked about this, and I assure you, _I am_. Three words: robot stem cells. 

ROSA  
That means nothing. 

GINA  
Pssh. Yet. 

BOYLE  
(in shippy heaven/hell)  
Look! Look at the cute banter! Oh, you’ve got to give us something! 

ROSA  
Fine. Obviously we always had dope chemistry. 

HOLT  
Obviously. 

Everyone else makes “???” faces.

ROSA  
But I didn’t want to date someone I worked with. Once Gina quit, she was fair game. 

GINA  
The fairest, to be exact. 

BOYLE  
Aha! No workplace romance! So that’s why you were so unreceptive back when I was trying to woo you, Rosa!

 ROSA  
Sure. That’s why. 

TERRY  
But you two are so different. How does this even work? 

ROSA  
Different how? 

TERRY  
Well, if Gina’s the 100 emoji— 

GINA  
And I am. 

TERRY  
\--Then you’re more like the emoji that Apple doesn’t have the technology for yet. You know, the one that just punches people in the face through the screen. 

ROSA  
(touched)  
Hey. Thanks, man. 

GINA  
And for y’all’s information, we bonded over our love of dance, movies where fabulous women wear a lot of beige and find love in all the wrong places, and being the coolest and scariest person in the room at any given time. 

ROSA  
Plus, we both hate soup. 

GINA  
We really do.

They hold hands affectionately.

 BOYLE  
Aw! And I say that as someone who _loves_ soup. 

ROSA and GINA look at him in matching disgust.

AMY  
Don’t get me wrong – this is amazing. But you guys, we still have an actual case to solve. 

GINA  
(discerningly)  
But wherever that tangled web takes you, inching you ever-closer to the brink of the unbearable truth ... it will never be as exciting as this. 

AMY  
(snapping)  
You think I don’t know that?? I love a long-brewing surprise romance! What, was I just watching Downton Abbey to point out the anachronisms all those years? I don’t think so! 

JAKE pats her shoulder.

AMY  
(nostalgic)  
Oh, Mr. Carson and Mrs. Hughes ... 

ROSA  
(to Gina)  
I gotta go help these idiots. Be careful and stay out of trouble, okay? 

GINA  
Boringggg. But fine. For you. 

They kiss goodbye.

EVERYONE  
(celebrating)  
Rosa’s mystery boo!!! 

ROSA  
(over it, and suddenly holding a knife)  
Shut up. 

JAKE  
Where did you even have that?? 

GINA  
Fun fact: the answer may surprise you. 

JAKE  
(makes a face of great dismay) 

ROSA  
It was in my bra. 

GINA  
It was in her bra. Come on, man. 

JAKE  
Thank God. I was so worried about your underpants zone for a minute there. 

ROSA  
You’re a good friend, Jake. And a huge nerd. 

GINA  
True dat. 

ROSA  
Now ...  
(Transforms into full-on Badass Rosa Mode.)  
Let’s do this. 

GINA  
You got this, babe. 

EVERYONE  
(Celebrating! Again! They just can’t help it!)  
Rosa’s mystery boo!!!!!

ROSA  
What’s wrong with you?

GINA  
You people need to _stop_.

EVERYONE looks properly ashamed of themselves. (But still pretty thrilled.)


End file.
